One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
