Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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