I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
