Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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