I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
