Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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