I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
