Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
