i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
