i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
