Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize