i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
