i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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