I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
