i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, beer. Big fan.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
