He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
