Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
sex in a hospital.. check
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
