You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
