Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
