There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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