I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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