I puked a lego.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
