brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
