when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
