ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
