Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
