Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
