DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
