Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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