it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
