My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
