Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
