He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
