I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
