He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
