Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
