In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
