i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
