They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
