Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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