I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this will be a night to untag.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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