what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
