Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
