We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
