why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
