The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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