I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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