You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
