I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
