Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
