There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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