and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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