You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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