It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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