Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
