he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
