I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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