She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
