my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
