i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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