Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
