He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
