i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize