just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
