imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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