the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
