Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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