Betty ford says i'm here all night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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