I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
